Saturday, July 26, 2008

Dave Loses His Bicycle

Dave doesn't know how to look after his bicycle. He "chained it" to a two-foot high bollard allowing the thief to simply lift it over and walk off with it. Apparently he stood around for five minutes muttering "But I chained it". Not the brightest tool in the box. On the other hand, a determined thief with the proper equipment can steal any bicycle, no matter how well locked. What one should do is chain both wheels and the frame to a sufficiently sturdy immovable object, using proper locks: a combination of a D-lock and a proper chain is probably best. With this you are at least protected from opportunist thieves without the proper equipment (which is probably what happened in Dave's case); and you can at least slow down a determined thief (Perhaps he will decide to steal another bicycle instead. It doesn't sound very comradely, but...). Don't assume because the bicycle is chained up in a public place that makes it any more safe. People will just walk-by oblivious to theft occurring under their nose; you will be very lucky if someone raises the alarm. Some people have two bicycles: an old one not worth stealing for everyday commuting, and a good one for touring or racing or whatever. I hardly ever chain-up my good bike anywhere in Manchester unless I can see it - e.g. pop into the cafe for a coffee, chain the bicycle up outside, but keep it under view through the window so that if anyone goes near it you can rush out and rip out their throat. I am currently considering what locks to take on holiday: a D-Lock, yes, but I don't want to have to carry a heavy chain around for hundreds of kilometres. So I have decided on the small Kryptonite D-Lock and a Kryptoflex cable. This means I will have to be very careful where I leave the bike, because frankly, with the proper equipment, the cable can be easily cut through. Another thing is that, if you have a good bike, thieves will take what they can: one of the wheels, or the saddle bag, or for that matter the handlebars! Finally, what about bicycle thieves? Politaholic thinks capital punishment is the answer. Nothing so quick as hanging. They should have their entrails drawn out and burnt before their eyes, their bollocks cut-off and...well, that's just for starters.
Dave has got his bike back - minus the front wheel (suggesting that he chained only the front wheel to the bollard, again not a very good idea). The bike itself doesn't exactly look top of the range. Odd, given he has zillions. PR conscious?


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